Fake News and Stuff

Friday, April 5

15 Year Old Student Arrested for banging 70 Year Old Teacher

A 15 year old student at Long Horn High School in Dallas, Texas has been arrested for having a relationship with his 70 year old Social Studies teacher.

According to a news release from the Dallas County Sherriff’s department, Sophomore Jeffrey Ferguson started the relationship after meeting the teacher at a school sponsored Bingo night.  Ferguson seduced the teacher by offering her gifts of hard candies and conversing with her about Matlock. He also reportedly bought her a Life Alert bracelet and orthopedic shoes.
The relationship was uncovered when the teacher told someone at her sewing circle.  She then reported it to the police.

News of the arrest had students at Long Horn buzzing.  When asked about the incident, Senior Jeff Lawrence replied “I am disgusted.  I mean if it was one of the young, hot teachers, I would be standing in line to give the dude high fives because that is awesome.  This is just sick. She is 70 years old.  She could be my Mee-Maw.”

Lawrence is not the only one upset about the incident.  Thousands of organizers have gathered outside of the school to show their disgust.  Many are carrying signs that read “Grandma Fuckers should die” and “The elderly are for seeking wisdom, not orgasms” 

Ferguson is being held at the Dallas County jail and bail was set at one million dollars.  Although police don’t know what they can charge the student with, they said they are determined to find something to keep this deranged Grandma predator behind bars.

Ferguson’s attorney could not be reached for comment

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