Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, May 30

A Combative Obama Admits Attending Gay Tickle Parties to Support Gay Rights

Washington D.C.-President Obama recently sat down with Matt Lauer on the 'Today' show and spoke candidly about his feelings on gay marriage.  The topic has recently become a hot button issue due to a grassroots social media movement, aimed at bringing awareness to the cause.   He was passionate about the issue and talked in depth about how his interactions with members of the gay and lesbian community helped him form his viewpoints.  His comments sparked outrage among Americans who oppose gay marriage as he opened up about his past and challenged others to do the same.

"I fully support broadening the definition of marriage to include gay couples.  Anyone who is against marriage equality has obviously never been in the center of a gay 'tickle and wink' session," said Obama during the interview.  “Give me a hardhat, a pink boa and a pair of leather chaps and I’m a happy guy.  It’s a gratifying and fulfilling experience. The people of the gay community couldn't have been more gracious or gentle.  They deserve the same rights and privileges afforded to all the other citizens of this country.”  

Republican Senator Tim Huelskamp responded to the President's comment and said he was shocked at what he had heard.  Huelskamp has been leading the charge for anti-LBGT movement in congress.  He has introduced nearly a dozen anti-gay bills, including regulations that would ban gays from the military. He offered a heated retorted to Obama’s comments as he spoke to the press on Friday. He says that gay marriage is never going to be an issue that a majority of Americans support.

"Being gay is bad.  If you don't believe me you can read for yourself in Leviticus 18:22.  The bible clearly states that it is alright to judge, persecute and shun anyone who you doesn't think or act  like you. 

"This is another one of the President's policies that is in stark contrast with the views of the American people.  I am an avid, practicing Christian and I believe that any incarnations of homosexual behavior are an abomination against the teachings of Christ.  That's why my experiences in the gay lifestyle have been minimal and I regretted it every time. They are very painful memories that would have never occurred if not for the amyl nitrate, Satan and the fact I look so good in a sailor's outfit.

"The important thing is that you marry a person of the opposite gender and maintain a monogamous lifestyle, just like the bible says.  Being gay is a choice not a right.  Like me, many closeted Christians are leading happy and productive lives."

Obama says he has no plans to introduce legislation at this time but he will be taking a closer look at the issue in the coming months.

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