Fake News and Stuff

Saturday, April 6

Kanye says, 'Kim needs lipo and a doctor that can work miracles'

Beverly Hills, CA- Outspoken rapper Kanye West is demanding that his pregnant girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, shed some weight.  West has moved out of the couple's Beverly Hills mansion and is currently living with his younger brother in Atlanta.  West says he's not returning until the 31-year-old reality television star drops at least 50 pounds.

“I've been working my ass off to get ready for this tour.  All she’s been doing is eating anything she can fit in her mouth and watching herself on that stupid show," said Kanye.  “I came home a few days ago and she had bacon grease and ice cream dripping all down the front of her.  It was caked all on her chin and jowl.  She put down the block of Velveeta she was eating and tried to kiss me. I threw up in my mouth.  I've been living here ever since."

West says that he thought about leaving on more than one occasion.  He recalls a night out at a restaurant that made him think twice about his relationship.

"We were out to dinner and I got up to go to the bathroom.  The food must have come when I was gone because, when I got back to the table, there was just a bunch of empty plates.  She had eaten everything, mine and her's.    There must have been 7 pounds of beef and pork ribs. She ate it like it was an appetizer.  Then she ordered dessert. I can't deal with that."

He went on to say that being pregnant is no excuse for Kim’s weight gain.  He feels she’s eating at an abnormal rate and needs to seek professional help to help her make better decisions.

“I know she’s pregnant but I just can't believe that any human being should eat three large pizzas and an order of chicken wings in one meal.  She's packed on weight like she's getting ready for the NFL draft. Unless she’s giving birth to LeBron James I don’t want to hear it.  She can't even roll out of bed without shoving a handful of nachos in her mouth. This ain't normal.  She's monstrous.  I suggested getting some lipo if she can find a doctor who can work miracles.”

No comments:

Post a Comment