Fake News and Stuff

Saturday, June 1

Proud Dad Discovers Daughter is Working at Strip Club

Little Rock, AR-Titus Johnson, a 56-year-old Walmart employee, was out making his nightly rounds to his favorite adult clubs, like he had done countless times before. It was payday, so Johnson and his coworkers wanted to unwind and blow off a little steam to get ready for another long work week. It was a holiday weekend so any time off for a retailer worker was hard to come by. They wanted to make the most of it.

Before long he found himself at the edge of a dimly lit stage in the corner of his favorite all nude adult review, the Pink Hen House. It was 3am and by that point he had been slamming down shots and swilling beer for hours. He was singing along with an AC/DC song that was blaring over the loud speakers.

The night was already starting to get wild when the stage announcer came on to introduce a name that Johnson had surprisingly never heard before, Bunny Jade. He remembers being excited because he thought he had seen every girl there at least a dozen times. His excitement quickly turned to shock as he turned to see his daughter slowly strutting to the stage.

“She was completely nude, except for a pair of clear, platform heels and a pink boa,” said Johnson. “She didn’t notice me right away. She started working over my mentally handicap co-worker for a lap dance. At first I was shocked, then guys started throwing all kinds of folded dollar bills, five dollar bills. There must have been $100 in a matter of like 20 seconds. I just screamed out ‘ye-haw!’ I had already spent my paycheck so this was like finding an oil well.”

Johnson says he jumped on the stage and hugged his daughter. He danced around her for what seemed like 5 minutes before the bouncers restrained him.

“I nearly passed out dead when I first saw her on the pole. I knew the gravy train had just pulled into the station. I always told her to do whatever makes her happy. I just figured she’d go on welfare like the rest of us. This is a moment I hope that every father gets to experience. I’m so proud of my little girl I could cry.”


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