Fake News and Stuff

Tuesday, April 2

Tampa Man Saved From Drowning by Pet Alligator

Tampa- Louis Roth was cleaning the walkway near his pool when he suddenly felt dizzy.  The next thing he remembers is waking up, soaking wet, with his 450 lb. pet alligator snuggled up, closely beside him.  Deidra is an 11’, 3-year-old American alligator who has been living with Roth since he found her swimming in his pool when she was only a foot long. 

“I must have fallen in.  I was drinking whiskey and gardening out in the heat all day.  I guess I was a little dehydrated,” said Roth of the incident.  “She must have pulled me out and drug me to safety.  I woke upon in the grass with her licking my face.  She saved my life.”
Roth says the incident has brought him and Deidra closer together. “She’s just like one of the family.  It’s unconditional love.  I’m so happy when I see her waging her tail when I come home from work in the evening.  She purrs if you scratch behind her ear.  People don’t know just how gentle these creatures really are.”
City officials have been working to enforce tighter restrictions on owning several breeds of large reptiles and dangerous predators.  Many feel that having gators in residential neighborhoods presents a significant danger to residence and property.
“The neighborhood association has been trying to make me get rid of her ever since she ate my neighbor’s Golden Retriever,” said Roth.  “Since then, they’ve just had is out for her.  I’m going to fight them to the death on that one.  They no have right to try to take her away from me.  She’s not hurting anyone. ”

1 comment:

  1. This happened to me once, except I woke up and a gator was giving me head. All things considered, it wasn't bad.