Fake News and Stuff

Saturday, May 25

Boy Scout Troop 119 Severally Mauls Scout Master for Forgetting Words to Campfire Sing Along

Augusta, AR:   Boy Scout troop 119 decided they had enough of Scoutmaster Kerry Hawkins after he repeatedly stumbled over the second verse of The Wheels on the Bus.  Hawkins is now in critical care after being severally beaten by the Scouts he was supposed to be supervising.  This is the 4th attack by troop 119 in the last 3 months. 

One of the campers says that Hawkins wasn't the kind of leader the group needed to achieve their goals.

"He humiliated us in front of the Girl Scouts for the last time," said a scout. "We got into the scouts to pick up chicks. We weren't about to let some bumbling asshole ruin it for us.  We've got to stand up to these assholes before it's too late.  This isn't going to stop until they find us someone competent."

Although Hawkins may never walk again, no charges are expect to be filed.

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