Fake News and Stuff

Tuesday, April 9

Husband Loses Gum in Wife's Vagina While Going Down on Her; Unsuccessfully Tries to Get it Out with Peanut Butter, Ice and WD-40

David Price had a 10 year wedding anniversary that neither he nor his wife will ever forget.  While performing cunnilingus on his wife, David dropped his gum into his wife’s pubic hair and chaos quickly ensued.

 “Up until the incident, we had a great night.  We went to Olive Garden and saw Iron Man 3.  When we got home, I decided to give my wife an unexpected anniversary present and give the little man on her boat a visit. That is when the night took a turn for the worst.”

“I was a few minutes into it when the Big Red gum I was chewing fell out of my mouth and went into her pubic hair.  I tried to grab it without her knowing, but it was in there pretty good.  I tried a few more times, but just managed to mash it deeper into the hair.  I quickly realized that it was not coming out and had to tell my wife. “

“As you could imagine, she was not too thrilled to hear the news.  After calling me every name in the book, she eventually calmed down and asked how we were going to get it out.  The first thing that came to my mind was to use peanut butter.  I ran downstairs and grabbed a jar of Chunky Jif and my toothbrush.  I smeared the peanut butter all over her pubic region and proceeded to use the toothbrush to work it into the hair.  That did not work as planned.  Instead of taking out the gum, it actually pushed the peanut butter deeper into the hair and made an even bigger mess."

“Frustrated, my wife recommended that I use ice.  I went and got a few cubes from the freezer and held it on the gum until my fingers hurt.  To our surprise, that did not work either. All it did was freeze the gum and turn my wife’s vagina into a pubic pop.”

“At that point we were out of ideas and decided to jump on the internet to look for alternate methods in getting the gum out.  One site said that WD-40 worked great, so we gave that a shot. We sprayed it all over and waited.  That turned out to be another dead end and just left my wife’s vagina smelling like a greased up door hinge. “

“My wife was starting to panic now.  Her cooter was filled with gum, peanut butter and WD-40 and the hair was still frozen from the ice.  That is when I decided that it would be best to seek professional help and took her to the ER.”

“I didn’t think this experience could get any worst, but I was wrong.  The ER experience was a disaster.  My wife had to wait 6 hours with a smorgasbord of food and household degreaser festering in her pants before she was seen.  While she was waiting, a 12 year old boy kept asking his father why the ER smelled like peanut butter.  When the doctor finally came in to treat her, he had a group of new residents in tote.  The night ended by my wife getting her pubs shaven while 8 residents observed and took notes.”

David says that he was relieved when his ordeal came to an end, but does not think it was all bad.  “My wife and I now have a very good story to tell at dinner parties.  I also finally found a way to get out of going down on my wife. Still I think next anniversary, I will forgo the surprises and stick to buying her jewelry. “

1 comment:

  1. If you are going to tell a story at least know what you are talking about and learn where a woman's body parts are located. Pubic hair is not the vagina. The vagina is on inside NOT the outside of a woman. This whole story is stupid not funny..