Fake News and Stuff

Wednesday, May 1

Taylor Swift Banned from LA Animal Clinic after Returning over 36 Puppies in 2 Month Span

Little White Dog

Serial dater Taylor Swift, known to date such stars as John Mayer and Harry Styles, has
recently been banned from the Los Angeles Animal Clinic.

After being unable to find anyone willing to date her, Swift has decided to give up her efforts and find a pet companion.
According to a rep from the LA Animal Clinic, Swift has adopted and returned over 36 puppies over the last 2 months. 

The rep was quoted as saying “Taylor has single handedly almost bankrupted our clinic with all the extra paperwork and extra man hours she has caused.  She is no longer welcome in our clinic and will never be getting back together with any of our pets; like ever.”

Swift commented on the ban by saying, “I don’t know why I was banned.  It was totally not my fault.  The animals I adopted were the ones to blame.  I caught one puppy licking another women’s hand at the park.   Another puppy was just too clingy.  The last one I adopted kept licking its crouch and trying to hump my leg. Who does that? “

The news is not all bad for Taylor.  She has reportedly been spotted at the Oakland Animal Clinic getting quite snuggly with a Labrador/Beagle mix.

She also expects to release two new singles, inspired by the pets she adopted.   “Pee on the floor, you’re out the door” and “Thirty Six“ are both expected to come out next month and are projected to hit number one on the billboard top 100.