Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, June 27

Hallmark Introducing the 'F#@K You' Series to Their Card Collection Line

Hallmark announced today that they will be introducing a new series of cards entitled the ‘Fuck You’ collection later this year.  

Hallmark believes that this will fill a huge void in an untapped market. “When we sat down to figure out how to expand our current card collection series, we hit a wall.  It seemed like every possible segment from death of a dog to a love one having a horrific accident was already being done,” a Hallmark representative stated.  

“That is when we realized that no one was producing cards in the hate/revenge market and the potential it could bring.  Think about it.  People send a thank you card for everything now a days: gifts, job interviews, attending a party, etc.  Why aren’t people sending fuck you cards for things they despise?” 

These types of cards can be used in any situation, no matter how petty, to let a person know how you much you hate them or something they did.

“Get a crappy glass candle holder that you will never use as a wedding gift?  Just fire off a fuck you card and let the gift giver know how much you hate it and would like to shove the gift directly up their ass.“

“Have a previous boss that treated you like dog crap.  Send them a fuck you card with a personalized voice recorded message letting them know how big a piece of shit they really are.”

“Did an old boyfriend or girlfriend cheat on you?  Why not send them a fuck you card wishing an STD upon them.”

“Even trivial things like your mom burning the family dinner could constitute sending a fuck you card.  Sure, it might make your mom cry, but you can be damn sure she will not burn your meatloaf the next time she cooks.”

Hallmark says if the ‘Fuck You’ collection does well, they plan on introducing additional new series with the hate/revenge theme.  Some series rumored to be in the works are the ‘Bully’ collection and the ‘Just Kill Yourself and Do the World a Favor’ series.

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