Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, August 1

Stubborn Man Sucked Dry During Company Blood Drive After Trying to Prove a Point About Customer Service

Aberdeen, SD: Mookey Peterson was pronounced dead at the scene after he was left unattended while donating blood during his company's annual blood drive. Peterson was overhead saying that he'd rather die than put up with one more lousy customer service rep. 

Neil Wilson, Peterson's coworker, was on his lunch break when he and Mookey decided to go down stairs and give blood. He says that he tried to warn him but Peterson wouldn't listen. 

"I told him he should probably take the thing out. He said it wasn't his job and that the nurse needs get off her phone and help him out. The next thing I knew his blood bag was big as a suitcase and his face was pale white. I ran over to help him out but he just started cussing at me to leave him alone.  He was sort of an asshole.  All he would do is sit around and complain about everything and everyone.  You've never seen a more miserable prick than Mookey.

"He said he was going to demand better customer service. He said that if he died at least he'd know that he made a difference. I told him that I'm pretty sure no one is going to care about some ridiculous point he's trying to make.  He was an asshole so I just sat there and watched him deflate like a balloon. Sure enough, he died and they replaced him at work the next day, didn't even miss a beat."

Marcy Blunt was the nurse who attended to Peterson.  She says that she had no idea that Peterson was even upset.

"I just forgot to check on him. Oops, sue me," said the nurse. "I got a call from my boyfriend that I had to take. He was acting moody this morning so I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. I'm human.  I make mistakes.  You can't expect me to be perfect.I feel bad for Mr. Petterson but I don't know where he got the idea that I was in the hospitality business.  I'm a nurse goddamn it." 

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