Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, July 4

Debate over the Men’s Health Study Regarding Biggest Size Rages On

Men’s Health Magazine is responding to growing criticism following the release of its annual rankings for penis sized based on race. Although the results were generally accepted among members of the scientific community and women, the survey has been hotly debated in online forums by a growing number of men who are questioning the studies validity.  The study was conducted by the Boston University School of Medicine and they are standing firmly behind the findings.  Men’s Health managing editor Harold Thompson says that he wasn't prepared for the response he received after publishing the article.

“We've received thousands of letters demanding my resignation and calling us liars and assholes,” said Thompson of the article.  “Turns out white males are particularly sensitive about the size of their Johnsons.  I’ve opened more letters from guys holding rulers up to their peckers than I can even count.  Most of these idiots are using metric so they think theirs is like 26” but it’s really like 3".  The study was accurate so I don't know why everyone is so mad.”

Arthur McDaniel, an accountant from Boston, has been vocal about his displeasure towards the article’s findings.  He has started an online petition at maniacmailbox.com to change what he feels is a misleading and intentional misrepresentation of the truth.  He feels the study’s findings were faulty and the result of poor research methodology.

 “I demand a recount,” said Arthur McDaniel.  “I don't know who they surveyed for this but the researchers were obviously biased and the whole study stinks of an agenda.  I never trust scientists.  I don't know any white guys who aren't packing some serious heat.  I'm 12” flaccid.  When this study came out every white guy I knew got together and compared and measured.  No one said they were less than 8”.  We came to the conclusion that this is a complete travesty and the editors at Men’s Health Magazine and the Boston Journal of Medicine should be ashamed of themselves.  It’s like they don't care about vetting their sources or doing any actual research.  They only care about ramping up these completely untrue racial stereotypes.  I will fight for the truth no matter how long it takes.”

Marcus Johnson, a 62-year-old sanitation worker from Oakland, is widely regarded as having the world’s largest flaccid penis.  He currently holds the world record as it was measured at 18.645” for his entry into the Guinness Book of World Records in 1975.  He says that the findings of the study doesn't surprise him.

“It doesn't surprise me.  Ever since I became the biggest, I've had every imaginable lunatic asshole whipping his pecker out to try to prove to me his was bigger than mine.  I’d say if anything the white guys are ranked way too high.  You ever hear any African Americans talking about, ‘size doesn't matter?"  No, we don't have to do that. We all know it matters.  It matters a lot.  Some guys just can’t deal with that.”

1 comment:

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