Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, October 31

Michelle Obama Shows Bush to Support Women's Rights

Washington-Michelle Obama has been an outspoken advocate of women's rights and suffrage issues since her husband took office in 2008.  The First Lady made a bold statement to gain traction for women’s reproductive rights on Thursday, by displaying a lifelike, Susan B. Anthony Vajazzling during an afternoon press luncheon. 

"Isn't it beautiful?" the First Lady said. "I highly recommend that everyone gets Vajazzled.  It makes a woman feel empowered and beautiful.  I feel like a new woman.  Susan B. Anthony is a symbol for women’s rights and should be remembered and revered.  I feel that this is a perfect tribute to her legacy.”

Obama says that her recent addition has made a positive impact on her life.  She says that women shouldn't be ashamed to do things that make them feel beautiful.

"If you want to build a house you need start with a strong foundation.  That’s why I turned my vagina into a multifunctional work of art.  It went from being a Volkswagen Jetta to a 747. Barrack has made the most passionate love to me in every position you could imagine, until I’m sore and pulsating from head to toe.”

When asked where she had the work done, Obama said that she found the perfect place with a little help from a close friend.

“I went to this little shop in Brooklyn.  Martha Stewart turned me on to it.  Martha’s such a doll.  She’s been doing this for years.  I noticed hers one day while we out for a round of croquet and she took her pants off to cool off.  I was blown away by how confident and beautiful she looked.  I loved it so much I went right out and got one the next day.

"I don't want any photos taken. I'm a lady."

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