Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, June 19

Nation in Shock as Facebook Outage Forces Human Interaction

San Francisco, CA: Panic set in this morning as Facebook users across America attempted to log in, and were greeted with a message stating that the social media giant was unavailable.   The outage only lasted 20 minutes, but many found it difficult to cope with the realities of a world without social media.  Many upset users were forced to find alternate means of communications.

Lexus, a 20-year-old college Junior, says that the outage made her life unnecessarily difficult and that Facebook owes its users an apology.

"I had to like, call my mom today to wish her a happy birthday," said Lexus.  "It was literally, like, an absolute nightmare.  She wanted to talk forever about how things were going in school and she like, kept asking me about my professors and if I was doing alright and blah, blah blah.  She told me she loved me.  O-M-G!  It was like I fell asleep and woke up in the 90's.  Yuck!  Talking to people is so overrated.  That's what Facebook is for!  Facebook really pissed me off this time."

Micheal Di Carlo also struggled to adjust during the outage.  He says his morning routine was ruined because of the difficulties he had trying to communicate with his friends.

"I worked out this morning and couldn't exaggerate the results and post them to my wall.  What a wasted workout.  Facebook really let me down.  How else am I going to feed my ego and try to get people to like me?  I had an inspirational quote by some dead philosopher I never heard of, and a picture of my new spray-tan all ready to go.  I had to call all of my friends one-by-one and tell them how awesome my massive biceps are.  It really sucks that Facebook can't get it's shit together."

At least one user doesn't believe Facebook is responsible for the outage.  Terry Dale says that there may be more at work than a downed server.

"Do you really expect me to believe that Obama is not behind this?  I guess my constant stream of anti-Obama posts finally got to him."  


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