Fake News and Stuff

Wednesday, November 1

Top Ten Most Effective Birth Control Methods for Men 2017

The San Fernando Valley School of Medicine has released the findings of a year long study regarding the effectiveness of various forms of contraception.  The study involved 300 men, ages 18-35, from all income levels and ethnic backgrounds.  The research involved extensive field testing of the most popular birth control methods and statistical analysis of national heath records. 

Top 10 Most Effective Forms of Birth Control 2017:

1. Rear entry 
2. Pulling out at the last possible second
3. Being an asshole that no one wants to have sex with
4. Oral sex 
5. Hand jobs
6. Sex with other men
7. Sex with women over 75
8. Sex with a vacuum
9. Binge drinking and passing out
10. Warcraft T-Shirts

Lead researcher Martin Henry feels the public needs to be aware of the all the risks before deciding on a method of contraception.  He hopes this study will be a useful tool for those looking to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

"We hope that this study will help to reduce the growing number of unwanted children being born everyday in the US," said Henry.  "The more informed people are, the easier it will be to curb the issues at hand.  Take me for example.  I've done it in dark allies, the back seat of a stranger's car and in the bathroom at Denny's.  Hell, I even once made love to six hookers and a homeless man in Vegas.  I've always felt that condoms are too expensive, and take away from the overall experience. That's why I've never used one. Yet I feel safe. Why? Because I chose the back door.  I hope that this study opens people's eyes and helps to reduce some of the high risk behaviors they may be currently involved in.  Anal sex is safe, clean and every bit as effective of giving you a quality orgasm."

Image credit: “Doctors at the General Assembly” by Waldo Jaquith – Creative Commons license

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