Written By Bill Hourly on Saturday, August 23, 2014 | 1:34 PM
James Mason, a man well known as a survivalist and prepper recently encountered and engaged in a shooting spree, killing several pedestrians who he mistook for zombies. An autopsy on the victims revealed that those slain had METH in their body. A drug test on the one survivor revealed the same.
Mr. Mason was driving down Dillon road conducting one of his routine patrols for suspicious-looking people who might be part of a recon unit for the New World Order (NWO). After several hours of not finding any, he decided to turn in for the day and report his findings over his ham radio, and eat dinner before listening to Alex Jones. This is where he encountered a group of silhouettes he believed to be zombies.
Wasting no time, Mason made several runs at the pedestrians, running several over. Then he exited his vehicles, assumed the "Weaver Stance" and proceeded to gun down the survivors. Only one escaped.
When taken into custody, Mason pointed at his Zombie Hunter Permit, claiming he had a permit to hunt zombies, and that summer is the best time, given it's their time to spawn. Citing his recent training with local firearm trainers, and countless hours of Resident Evil and Call of Duty, Mason claimed his actions were those of a true patriot.
Mason was booked on Monday, July 28th and is awaiting his trial. Not realizing he had already waived them, he was last heard screaming about his Miranda Rights, apparently mistaking them for a propositional conjugal visit.