Fake News and Stuff

Wednesday, November 19

Adrian Peterson Talks About his New Gig at Parenting Magazine

Adrian Peterson met with the media yesterday to announce that he will be joining the Parenting Magazine staff as a contributor. He says that he's looking forward to putting the past behind him and taking the next step in his career.

"I'm out of work right now so I'm thankful for the chance to repair my public image. I'm a changed man. I would have never allegedly beaten my children mercilessly, or I bragged about it to my friends, if I had know they can kick you out of football for that. All of my baby's mothers, both present and future, know I have my kids best interest in mind."  

Peterson went on to say that he's taken steps to change himself for the better. He feels that the progress he's made has given him a clearer understanding of what he needs to do to avoid any future legal problems.

"I'm just not going to pick up the phone when their mothers call. I'll still send child support checks and all that. I might even talk to 'em over the phone, if they can catch me between autograph signings. I'm just going to avoid seeing them as much as I can. Problem solved."

Peterson says he brings a new perspective to the Parenting Magazine staff and feels that readers will connect with his viewpoints.

"Reason and patience are overrated when it comes to parenting. One of my counselors said that I should take the time to get to know my kids and understand their feelings. I'm no child psychologist but the switch allegedly seemed to work just fine to me, not that I condone that sort of thing. You know what I'm sayin'?"


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