The middle school teacher, James McCaskill, who also happens to be a priest at the neighborhood Catholic church, St. Augustine, was unavailable for a full interview but when asked if 50 Shades of Grey was really appropriate reading material for children he responded:
"Are you kidding me? These children are getting dumber by the year. I can no longer assign books like Where the Red Fern Grows or Old Yeller. I have to assign overly rudimentary books which appeal to short attention spans, and that means I have to assign overly dumbed down garbage writing like 50 Shades of Grey. I had originally intended to go with the Twilight books, but I find the concept of vampires fighting werewolves to be a bit controversial. I can't assign anything less intelligent without having them regress to books about "Red Rover.""Also, principal Dick Skinner added this:
"Some people are complaining about the adult material. But with today's budget, we can no longer offer a full Health class, where we would normally cover these sort of topics. The way I see it, we're just preparing them for a life of American market-driven infotainment. If people are willing to spend money on it, it must be better than that which people aren't. Heck it's even a movie now, that means it's really popular. Checkmate haters!"