Fake News and Stuff

Monday, July 6

New Push to Label GMPO's (Genetically-Modified Pet Owners)

The push for GMO-labeling has empowered and widened the circle of citizens who are concerned by processes which have just the right mix of semantically-sounding malevolence, and lack an arbitrary amount of "naturalness."  The latest development is the push to label GMPO's (Genetically-Modified Pet Owners).

We were able to get a hold of the head of GMPOL (Genetically-Modified Pet Owner Labeling).  A man who simply identified himself as Terry, stated:

"If my child is going to your house, or I'm going to have to live in the same vicinity as you, I need to KNOW if there are any genetically-modified pets in your house. Therefore, anyone who owns a pet that's been genetically-modified needs to register ASAP.  In this planet's million or billion or whatever year long history, genetically-modified fauna have only existed for the last few centuries.  And in that time, we've had countless instances of animal attacks and diseases."

When asked if he had any peer-reviewed articles on the subject, or understood that evolution was itself a 4.1 billion year-long process of genetic modification, Terry seemed rather confused.  But he assured us that after seeing a meme on Facebook, he read articles on Infowars and a couple of websites that had "sciency-sounding names" and was fully convinced that GMPO's were not only an imminent threat, but that Petco was colluding with the government in order to suppress the evidence.

Terry then laid out his logic as to why GMP's are such a threat:

GMP's would never exist in nature

The fact that genetically-modified animals don't exist in nature proved that they are a threat.  Paleolithic man apparently lived cooperatively with wild dogs, so why can't modern humans?

Domestic dog attacks

Whereas a Google search turns up no instances of paleolithic dogs attacking paleolithic human children, the internet is chock full of stories of "domestic" dogs doing so.  This is just another example of how genetically modifying an animal makes their owners (GMPO's) enough of a potential rish to justify mandatory labeling,

The Hitler Card

Know who else believed in genetic modification? Hitler!  Hitler believed in a selective breeding so by extension, we are somehow following along his path or inevitably heading towards another Weimar or something.  The argument here is obvious: if you don't believe in GMPO labeling, you are siding with Hitler.  You don't want to side with Hitler do you?  Terry also mentioned that there is a Stalin variation of this argument.

GMPO Labeling

Petco is burying the science

Petco refused to show Terry's group their private/proprietary software which they use for tracking their internal breeding program.  This proves, that not only is Petco hiding something sinister, but they are in fact also somehow managing to hide all non-Petco-related pet breeding programs.

Miscellaneous studies

Terry also claims to have read several studies that show GMP's were bad.  While he was unable to cite the methodologies nor point us out to any instance of any of them being submitted for peer review, he believes it's that's not important for scientists in related fields to review the studies and ensure they can be reproduced, contain proper controls, and aren't drawing grandiose conclusions that might fool general members of the population NOT trained in that specific field.  What really matters Terry said " is that the people know the truth."

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