Tuesday, May 16

Washington DC: President Trump just announced plans to acquire the controlling interest in a fledgling start-up construction company, Advanced Nuclear Bomb Protection Inc. Many have questioned the timing of the move since the company is said to be focused on the mass production of luxury bomb shelters.

Despite the skepticism on Capitol Hill, the President defended the move and was quick to point out that it would be a shortsighted to assume the worst.

"Look, I'm not saying nuclear winter is coming," said Trump. "I'm just saying it might be a good time to stock up on canned goods and bottled water."

President Trump also took shots at the media for what he feels is an unfavorable portrayal of his dealing with the start up company.

"If it does happen don't blame me. It's not like I'm going to do it on purpose. I just have no idea what I'm doing. The fake news media is making it seem like I'm actively rooting for for a disaster to happen or something. That's a complete fabrication. If it does happen though, why not make couple of bucks off it. It's the rule of supply and demand folks, ever heard of it? That's why I'm me and your poor. You'll never own a toilet made of gold if you don't have an eye on the future."

Trump pointed out that partisan bias might be to blame for most of the backlash he's received regarding the move.

"I mean come on. If you haven't started preparing for nuclear fallout yet, then when? Have you seen all the crazy shit going on in the White House lately? I can barely keep up and I'm there. Am I going to have to nuke Nebraska just to prove a point? That's the problem with Liberals, they never think about the future. They're going to wait for the war to start then complain about how they've got nowhere to hide. Then they'll just blame me."

President Trump says that his critics only continue to look at the negative.

"It's not all bad. I said I was going to create jobs, did you think I was kidding? There are going to be creators to fill, roads to fix, buildings to repair. And that doesn't even include all the open jobs from the people who are going to be blown up. This is winning people."

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