Fake News and Stuff

Saturday, June 3

Kathy Griffin has Assembled Top Team to Draft Apology Statement

New York, NY: Kathy Griffin has issued an exclusive statement regarding the controversy surrounding her recent termination from CNN. The embattled comedian was terminated after a photo emerged that depicted Griffin posing, holding the fake severed head of President Trump. The photo was immediately met with criticism, which ultimately led to the network taking action.

Griffin has expressed regret over the incident and says she's assembled a top tier team to draft her official apology statement.

"I have a team of writers drafting an apology speech right now. Believe me, it's going to be top notch. What Bill Cosby is to date rape, I'm going to be to being sorry. I'm going to touch all of the bases; regret, retrospect, a plead for forgiveness. There is going to be plenty of fucking tears and I might even throw going to rehab in there somewhere. Eat your heart out Micheal Richards. I've got this shit covered."

Griffin also offered a sharp rebuttal when a reporter questioned the sincerity of her apology since she will not be involved in the creative process regarding it.

"Of course it going to be sincere. I would really like my job back. Have you ever been fired? It sucks. I'll be as sorry as I need to be, and mean it from the bottom of my heart. This whole thing made me really sad. I mean, I totally thought my joke was hilarious and I would have no problem doing it again. That doesn't mean I'm not sorry."

In response Donald Trump criticized the embattled comedian. He says that he believes the problem speaks to a deeper issue within the current culture. He says we need to reexamine the what it means to take personal responsibility for our actions.

"Do you guys finally see why I'm  trying to plunge us into nuclear winter, destroy the ozone and start a dictatorship?" said Trump. "This shit is pissing me off! This free speech nonsense has gotten way out of control.  Freedom of Speech is just another example of one of Obama's failed policies, and we are going to put a stop to it as soon as possible."

Photo by: Mingle Media CC 2.0

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