Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, June 1

Trump on Paris Accord: 'If There are Two Things I Hate, It's the Polar Ice Caps and Obama'

Washington DC: President Trump held true to his campaign pledge today as he announced today that the United States will withdraw from the Paris accord. Trump has been a long time critic of climate change science, and a vocal opponent of the Paris accord since the U.S. entered the agreement under Barack Obama in 2015. 

Trump made the announcement as he addressed reporters on the White House steps this afternoon. 

"I feel this is what's best for the American people. But most importantly, this probably really pissed off Barack Obama. My only regret is that I wasn't there to see the look on his face as I make this announcement. I bet he's somewhere crying his Kenyan eyes out right now. How does losing feel, loser? 

"But besides that, I know all you liberals want to act like this is such a terrible thing, but is climate change even that all that bad? There's no real estate on the polar ice caps for a reason, because it's fucking cold. I don't care what anyone says, I'm bringing America 12 months of summer. I won't stop until there is ocean front property in every state and a Trump Tower on every corner. Just stock up on sunscreen and quit bitching about everything. It's getting annoying. We'll be dead and gone before any of this really matters anyway." 

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