Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, November 2

Former St. Louis Resident Misses the Smell of Gun Smoke


St. Louis, MO: Long time St. Louis native Carlos Fith has recently begun to lament about his one time home. After living in the Gateway to the West most of his life, Carlos moved to Minneapolis in the summer of 2015. Carlos says he still considers St. Louis home and would have never moved if not out of necessity.

"The only reason I moved is because I was running out of places to bury all of my friends, family and pets that were hit by stray bullets. People don't think about that in the practical sense. If I had a bigger backyard I would probably still be there."

Fith says that, while national crime rates might paint a dire picture of the city, it isn't as bad as it seems.

"After the first six or seven times you're mugged you really do just get used to it. I never knew how much I'd miss it until it wasn't there. I've been mugged in other cities but it just wasn't the same. It's like criminals in other cities just don't care about their craft. Show a little pride in what you do."

He went onto say that living in St. Louis always made him feel like he was part of something bigger than himself.

"It's really the feeling of brotherhood around the city that I miss most. Even though my house was once burned down during a riot, I always felt like I was a real part of the community, with real Midwestern values. You can't fake that kind of thing." 

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