Fake News and Stuff

Thursday, November 2

Trump Says He's Not Worried About Impeachment

D.C.- With the Mueller investigation seemingly moving ahead at full speed, Trump has taken an uncharacteristically low key approach. This change in posture has given his critics fuel to the argument that the president is finally starting to feel the pressure of an investigation closing in behind him. The president however has strongly rebuked this as 'fake news' and states that the reason he's not worried is because he has nothing to worry about.

While reporters pressed for a response regarding his feelings about two of his top advisers being indicted this week, Trump restated that he thinks the investigation is fruitless.

"Truth is, I don't know the laws well enough to know if I broke any of them. I probably did but fuck it. My point is just that I don't really care that much. I never wanted this job in the first place. I just thought I'd get up there and bitch about this; complain about that. Then I'd go home and eat a bunch of juicy steaks, watch the money roll in and chill the fuck out. This shit sucks. I'm trying to make the best of it but Jesus Christ. How much more can I take?"

He went on to say that too much is being made over the scope of the investigation. He states that even of it were to uncover any wrong doing, it wouldn't affect him to the extent currently being reported.

"What's the worst that can happen? Jail is actually better than the White House. That place is a fucking dump and it smells like Kennedy's balls. They won't even let me remodel the hellhole. All I wanted was a few dozen portraits of myself in the hallways and over the bed in the master bedroom. Maybe a golden statue for the garden or something. Just enough to make the fucking place livable. They told me to fuck off. This place sucks." 

No comments:

Post a Comment